As you can see, I decided to take a short departure from the creepypasta and introduce you all to a little film that bewilders and disturbs. The British appear to have a long and proud history of making the most disturbing public information films (their term for PSAs) known to man. Brits, when you leave me wondering what the heck is wrong with all you people – believe me – that’s saying something. That’s not to say that it’s a bad thing, but I am taking notes!
Their talents for scaring the hell out of people is also visited on children, as evidenced by the subject of today’s post. Apaches is a public information film for children, showing them the dangers of playing on farms. Have yourself a look and we’ll discuss!
Alright, you may be laughing, you may be unnerved, you may be both, but you have to admit that Apaches is pretty unique. Who knew that kids dying on farms was such a problem? Sure it’s sad, but the filmmakers took the wrong approach to this problem.
The characters take some large illogical leaps in order to shuffle off the mortal coil. Honestly it feels a little surreal to me, and sometimes pretty funny. Still, death is a heavy subject to handle, so let’s lighten the mood by pointing out how this kind of stupidity could never occur in real life.
#1. Death by Tractor (Kim)
So the kids go against their natural instinct to avoid large moving vehicles and try to take the tractor through a mock show of force. Standing on a moving vehicle isn’t such a great idea either, considering the results. Also, doesn’t it seem strange that the farmer isn’t bothered by the fact that these kids are trespassing on his property? Let alone climbing onto a moving tractor! If it were me driving, I’d slam on the breaks so fast those kids would probably run into that flatbed.
#2. Death by Cow Shit
I believe that this is arguably the worst type of death ever put to film. To drown in the most disgusting, nastiest waste imaginable is a fate I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Actually, I recall reading somewhere that it’s usually the fumes that do a person in, rather than a simple drowning. That fact brings up a good point though, the smell alone would deter all but the most steadfast of us. What kid would want to play anywhere near a huge, stinky pit of cow manure? You’d think they’d avoid that spot like the plague.
#3 Death by Poison (Sharon)
This death is face-palm worthy. Little girl, didn’t you JUST suggest pretending to drink that fluid, rather than slurping it down? How the heck could you forget that ten seconds later? Not to mention these kids suspected it was rat poison anyway. Last time I checked, kids aren’t that crazy to knowingly play with poison. Heads are reeling at the local poison control center because of what you did to yourself.
#4 Death by Gate
There’s not too much to say about this death, other than it’s the most plausible one in the film. Gates like that can be heavy, and one of the bars fell directly on his head. Although, at this point I’m just left wondering why these kids keep coming back to play on the property where three of their friends died.
#5 Death by Stupid (Danny)
Another tractor-related one, but I’m just calling it sheer stupid because that damn farmer gave the kid permission to play on a LARGE FARMING VEHICLE! Is this farmer suffering from sheer stupidity or memory loss? Likely both. The boy is not absolved of responsibility either. Does he have a death wish? Why ask to play with something like that when four of you friends just died for similar reasons? That tractor wasn’t moving that fast either, he could have jumped off before it fell down that steep incline!
While that is the last of the deaths, it it not the last of the points I have to make! Considering how traumatic loosing a friend can be, why do these kids keep playing on the same freaking farm? You’d think after the third one they be so traumatized that they would never want to step foot in such a place ever again.
This scenario could never happen in the real world, because real people have something called memory, as well as the ability to learn. After such an accident, real kids would probably put two and two together and realize playing around farming equipment is a pretty bad idea. Real parents would lock their kids in their bedrooms until eighteen if they found out they were trespassing and playing where they could get hurt. Real farmers would tell kids to get off their property and prevent such accidents from occurring, lest they suffer the consequences. In the real world, the whole freaking community would be up in arms about losing five local children and be doing whatever possible to make sure such a tragedy never happened again. The first thing they’d do would be to punish the farmer for his negligence. I’m sure the parents would sue him for everything he’s worth.
I suppose that’s the problem with most PSAs though; they’re so concerned about scaring and warning the public that such advertisements tend to be over-dramatic and unrealistic. A scary PSA must keep a balance that’s difficult to maintain. So difficult in fact that most don’t pull it off. They become like this film: dark, yet unintentionally funny.
So who among you was traumatized by this film as children? Feel free to tell your story!